Have you ever just not wanted to do anything? Where you just don’t feel anything? All you feel is nothing… nothing but numbness.
You just want to go back to the way you felt before. You listen to an old song you used to hear allot, you watch some bit if a movie you saw a year ago. … And you’re suddenly flooded with all these feeling you felt at the time. You remember everything you felt ad you feel a bit of not nostalgia but melancholia. For an instant, your mind is sent back in space and you want nothing but to remain, but the feeling lingers for a second too little, and you miss it… just by a second. You start to remember all that nothingness. And that sickly twisted feeling of when you were younger returns and you miss it. You miss it because you’ve known it for so long. And like an old shirt, or old jeans, it still fits. And it all comes rushing back.
And you know that this road you’re on, this road you’re back on… leads to the same disgusting twisted feeling you long since forgotten. And you want to escape it, yet you want to relive it. You’ve become addicted to it. You’ve become addicted to returning back to it, because like sleep, it only feels so much better when you’re weary and drained of energy. No matter how good sleep is, it only feels better when you’re already drained of all your energy.
And that’s how you come close to it, you come close to it as you know this road leads you down the road of ruin. Those souls you’ve become connected to, those friends you’ve gained along the way, same as before, you’ll soon find yourself more distant and lost and depressed.
You know what you have to do. You’ve somehow lost most of those who you felt genuine care for, and there’s nothing you can do about them. Like a phase of time, separated by glass windows, you can’t go back. All you can do is head forward and pick which road it is that will ultimately change that rut.